Wednesday, May 10, 2006

The Toilet at the 8B Bus Terminus

Thank you all for your inputs as well as outputs over the past fortnight, especially to bhooter raja and alluder. Thanks to their indefatigable research, the following facts are now known about the 8B bus terminus loo:
--it costs 50p to micturate and Re 1 to defecate
--there is a fine of Rs 51 for those washing clothes inside the loo; compulsive clothes-washers, beware. Btw, has anyone ever washed clothes in the Arts Faculty jheel?
--a condom vending machine dispenses a pack of three ‘Ustad’ condoms for a Rs 5 coin

Enough about the 8B loo. Let us now move further afield.

As has been mentioned earlier, the numerous loos situated inside JU are a very ready source of relief to all and sundry. However, what if the need for such relief arises after 8 in the evening, when most of the buildings inside the campus—other than the hostels—are locked up? An ever-present help to the male of the species is the Jadavpur University Main Hostel next to the police station (query: is there any info on police thana loos?) whose rusted and creaky gates remain open 24-7. There are loos on every landing though their cleanliness leaves a lot to be desired. If one feels intimidated at the prospect of venturing into the den of iniquity that is the hostel, one can always hotfoot it down to the shulav shouchalay on one’s left just before the Lord’s Bakery Crossing. There is also another shulav in Jodhpur Park, next to the big park which holds the annual durga puja.

Regular visitors to Dakshinapan need not be told that there are two loos there—one free, and one paying. The free loo is situated close to Dolly’s tea shop—one simply follows the aisle opposite, turns left and there is a flight of stairs leading to the ladies and the gent’s. The paying loo is situated at the back of the shopping complex, on the ground floor and is quite clean.

Golpark has become quite a problem for loo-goers ever since the old sulabh was demolished and the new one failed to come up. During working hours however, the loo on the ground floor of the Ramkrishna Mission Institute of Culture is your best bet. Just walk nonchalantly passed the reception counter and head for the corridor in a north-north-westerly direction. The loos will be on your left. If the RKIC is closed and you are really desperate, you can head into Caffeine, order an espresso and rush into the loo. Otherwise, there is always the ‘abar ashibo phire’ loo at Gariahat Mor.

The Good Loo Guide is dismayed to find that there is very little feedback from women. Doubtless this is owing to the fact that women find it far more difficult to find a decent loo in the city, and are additionally unable to take the al fresco approach to peeing which seems to come so naturally to men. But nothing will be gained by remaining silent, least of all good loos. Speak out and demand your rightful loos through this forum.


Blogger Srin said...

Women have highly retentive bladders. :)

12:18 PM  
Blogger Erythrocyte said...

i remember in my wilted salad days breaking into the loo in the Indoor stadium after hours which had a defective latch. When leaned on in a certain way this would pop open and allow the unfortunate loo-goer access to its smelly, hazardous and pitch-black interior. However, in the days when we used to play basketball, quiz and hang out at Nathuda's, this was the only succour around. Needless to say, the lock has since been repaired.
There were also loos in the extinct Gandhi Bhavan, which valiantly upheld the name of the building. can't recall right now when they closed.
BTW, the loo on the ground floor in the AC canteen that leads off the big room where we do karate has been converted into a storeroom by the canteen staff. It's always locked, and if you bang on the door and they open it, you emerge blinking into a bright space behind the kitchen, full of khatiyas and adorned as if incidentally with white porcelain sanitary fittings. The entire AC staff regards you with amusement through the open door as you stare with dismay at the prospect of going about your business on this universal stage.
If you then flee and head upstairs to the loo behind the drama club, you discover a) that it is in fact a men's loo with urinals, and you must finish quick or be caught by a man with his pants down, because b) there is no lock on the main door, only on the cubicles, so when you come out you are likely to be greeted by a dismayed squawk from some unfortunate who has risked damp trousers by not checking the cubicles before letting fly.
men take note.

7:16 PM  
Blogger arundhati said...

the mechanical engg building, has 5(extremely dirty) loos for men but not one for women.shall give frther details about loos from the other side after clarifying doubts.

the best bet for women, when in park street is obviously the loo at the park just walks in purposefuly,past the guard,walks straight on,up the three wooden steps and turns left. extremely clean,good soap,big mirrors and somewhat arbitrary hand dryer.
drawbacks:is so extremely bhootorey typer quiet, that the attendant sound effects are inevitably heightened(byt if you are the discrret kind, you can always try to turn the dryer on-helps drown the din)

8:31 PM  
Blogger The Alluder of Alliterations said...

there is a reaaly nice public loo (as nice as they get in public in any case) at deshapriya park opposite priya which charges the usual 50p for the small jobs and this time however 2 bucks for the big jobs.. it is surprisingly clean for a municipal loo and seems to have been open even at 11:00 so i guess it is open all night.. no paper though.. but quite clean for a municipal loo..

8:57 PM  
Blogger The Alluder of Alliterations said...

it beats me that how someone can complete thier business with paper...
i refuse to use paper..
nothing beats good ol H2O..
I am carrying along a bucket to foriegn shores if ever..
On a different note however ppl in russia use old discarded books..
An avuncular relative of mine has been to russia and been offered a battered copy of grisham to finish his work with and newspapers and hold your breath.. the remains of act 2 of macbeth translated in russian and even a much battered schoolbook edition of tolstoy..

9:02 PM  
Blogger The Alluder of Alliterations said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:10 PM  
Blogger The Alluder of Alliterations said...

apparently russians had a high import duty on tp
come to think of it one might even read it before using it

9:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"However, what if the need for such relief arises after 8 in the evening, when most of the buildings inside the campus—other than the hostels—are locked up? An ever-present help to the male of the species is the Jadavpur University Main Hostel next to the police station" - No need to go so far. The loos (both peeeing and crapping) at Moni da's canteen are a better option. The gates of the NCE are closed quite early but the Jadavpur Vidyapith gates remian open for quite some time. You can enter Moni da's canteen through that gate. For the desperate, it is advised that they use all their athleticism to scale the newly-constructed walls.

9:34 PM  
Blogger arundhati said...

one of the cleanest loos in joo for women is the one at the c.lib
do not forget to submit your belongings at the counter, thogh, or they will take them, or worse you, as hostages.

10:47 PM  
Blogger arundhati said...

the public loo at jodhpur park,which was inaugarated ceremoniously by a prominent politician last year-(i wonder, how does one inaugarate loos? does a mandatory cuting-of-ribbon suffice or is one required to pee as well?)is remarkably clean. the women's section however is sadly neglected:it is occupied by our perambulatory guard from 10p.m to about, who sits there, on a chair listening to himesh reshammiya and reading bortomaan;between 9.30a.m to about 10.30 a.m the jodhpur mini-bus drivers use it to have a bath, wash their clothes and subuently,to hang them out to dry. therefore, if you can make it ther at any time after 11a.m, and rattirey if you are desperate enough to displace a drowsy guard(shouldn't be too difficult-he's positively puny) then the chances of it being clean and dry are rather high.

10:59 PM  
Blogger Deep said...

"women find it far more difficult to find a decent loo in the city, and are additionally unable to take the al fresco approach to peeing which seems to come so naturally to men". Lol.

I agree with the alluder. Will someone please tell me HOW u wipe crap off with toilet paper?? How??? Won't little particles of unwipeable crap hang on for dear life??

@alluder. "big jobs"?? "small jobs"? jesus!! what is this?? 2nd grade??

11:09 PM  
Blogger Erythrocyte said...

toilet paper only works for the chronically constipated, as most meat-eating foreigner usually are. Stomach upsets are even more disastrous when you are trying to control the flood with two square inches of two-ply. if there is no mug, then try dubling the paper and damping it under the hand tap; this usually increases its efficiency.
it is a total myth that women have more retentive bladders. however, we do have an extra sphincter. we also have a tendency to get urinary tract infections if we don't pee regularly. Anyone who has ever had one will know how hellish they are.

12:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

@arundhati: Where are the loos in the CL?

6:20 AM  
Blogger Insiya said...

Why is there such a hullaba'loo' about there being no or very few loos in Park Street. If one is in Park Street, one can easily walk over to Camac and use (i) the loos at 22 Camac (I used the Pantaloons loo once when a crow blessed me, stupid crow!) (ii) loos at Emami, and, (iii) since we're talking of loos that are "extremely clean, good soap, big mirrors and somewhat arbitrary hand dryer", BCL members can just walk into the library and get done with whatever is to be done.

7:28 AM  
Blogger Erythrocyte said...

and what about olypub? i cherish a certain affection for that loo. i mean the one out on the verandah for the ledissss. it has a certain style.

10:03 AM  
Blogger arundhati said...

bhooterraja:groundfloor. dhookei ulta diker corridor-e.
insiya: idiot.WHY will you walk all the way to camac street if nature calls when you are at park street. ami toh otokkhon chaapte parbo na baba. tar uporey aabar, in all the places you mentioned, tou have to go through series of security checks, stand in line to submit baggage, receive token, at the very least.which is frankly quite a bit of 'chaap' on the bladder.park-eyou just walk in,no questions asked.
rimidi: i kinda have a soft spot for the oly loo as well, but olyte you can enter only if accompanied by men.not very empowering or convenient

10:45 AM  
Blogger arundhati said...

hehe. come to think of it, i think insiya made that comment abut park street loos simply because she wanted to use "hullaba'loo'"!hehe!

10:48 AM  
Blogger "sen"sational said...

one of my friend's relatives (who lives in the UK) declares that as he cant bring himself to use toilet paper...and as there are no drains in his bathroom...he claims that he 'cleans' himself in the bath tub and uses the drain there to 'drain off' the water ...a fact that his english flatmates are blissfully unaware of till date...

p.s. and has anyone ever gone to the loo at 'CCD lake road'? The flush seems to be out-of-order all the year around...and though a mug is thoughfully really doesn't one of my friends discovered after she had done the 'boro bathroom'.... she was say the least...

10:54 AM  
Blogger Deep said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:52 PM  
Blogger Deep said...

I shall now let you all in on a great and terrifying secret.


Once, in a time Long Long Ago (erm...well alright, 2 years back), some of us went to a land Far Far Away, sometimes called Delhi. This is now generally regarded as a bad move. Anyway, to move on...

So it's early morn, St. Stephen's College, Alnutt North Hostel, Ist toilet cubicle (Eastern Style, for those with an ear for detail). I am in the cubicle, doing my own thing, hurting none, disturbing none. After a relaxed period of about 5 minutes, at the end of which I feel considerably lighter, I turn towards the mug. It is a tin can that looks like it previously held green pasta. I turn the tap.

Nothing happens.

For the next 10 minutes, nothing continues to happen.

It is at about this point that I smile a contemptuous laugh and pinch myself, expecting to wake up in my own soft bed. Sadly, that is not to be.

I am beginning to get tired of the awkward posish, to mention nothing of the...erm...the...ahem...unwashed ...ahem...particles. I begin to wonder if I am being missed. Why, I wonder, has Priyanka (last seen sitting on the lawns outside)not alerted the fire department? Is this a conspiracy, I wonder, to make me feel like a fool? In which case it is succeeding admirably.

Suddenly, like a whiff of fresh air to a drowning man, I hear a pump start whirring. I mutter a quick prayer and turn the tap again.


Desperate times call for desperate measures, they say. I start to look for a toilet paper substitute. The only thing i can think of is the undervest (Rupa) I am wearing. The pawn must be sacrificed. I struggle out of my shirt and finally hold the ganjee in my hand.


...and as soon as I'm done, the FUCKIN' TAP STARTS TO VOMIT WATER like there's no tomorrow!! Such are life's little ironies, I meditate philosophically. I wash and de-nudify myself. After which I open the door a crack to see if I might have to cope with witnesses. Good; the coast is clear. i pick up the incriminating evidence between thumb and forefinger, but soft, real soft.
Tiptoeing down to the landing right below the toilet, I chuck it into the garbage bin and make a run for it. Once outside, I am the very picture of suavity.

Priyanka: What took you so long?
Me: Ahem... nothing.

And still of a winter's night, they say, when the wind is in the trees,
When the moon is a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas,
When the road is a ribbon of moonlight over the purple moor,
There comes a whiff of Something Revolting.

So, gentle reader, if you ever find the urge come upon you when you are in St.Stephen's, whatever you do, stay away from Alnutt North.

1:01 PM  
Blogger arundhati said...

deep:firstly, eeesshh! but secondly, and more importantly, hahahahahahaha...i mean.. maney...nevermind....hehehehehe!

1:51 PM  
Blogger gideon the gorilla said...

heh heh heh

7:13 PM  
Blogger Insiya said...

Hehe, yeah, such are life's ironies.

"sen" - the Lake Road CCD flush was funtional when I used it.

7:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A tip from Francis Ford Coppola. In 'Apocalyspe Now' there is this scene where a soldier feels the urge to shit but since he is in a helicopter and he had to bomb Vietnamese villages to bits very shortly, he sat on his helmet so that the feeling subsided. Another soldier after realising why he was doing it, promptly followed suit. Has anyone over here ever tried out such radical mesaures when there are no loos nearby (imagine if you are in a crowded place in Honolooloo which doesn't have any loos, what would you do?)

10:01 PM  
Blogger arundhati said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:19 PM  
Blogger arundhati said...

omygod!first hullabaloo and now honolooloo? what is it with loos and the desperate urge to pun? kindly e'loo'cidate.

*hehe,sorry could not resist*

10:26 PM  
Blogger The Alluder of Alliterations said...

"loo"king for loos to al"loo"d to?

7:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is gross, so people whose sensibilities might be offended are advised to skip this. However, in my never-ending quest for knowledge and (like Ukridge) plan to disseminate knowledge, I must write about this. Tintin da may delete this if he finds it too gross.

Speaking about toliet paper, I don't know much about it (having never used a wet one till date) but doesn't using dry ones leave bits of crap sticking to arse hair and thus a week of regular use of dry toliet paper lead to a rough bum? This leads on to the more important question - is toliet paper meant to be used dry?

9:09 AM  
Blogger arundhati said...

thank god for water and soap.
anyway, of the many loos in the arts faculty building ,by far the cleanest(for women,that is)is a rarely usedloo at the film studies deptt. but the reason why it is so clean in the first place is because it remains locked most of the time.the loo next to the anita banerjee memorial hall is somewhat more accessible and ergo somewhat less clean(but conditioned as we jude girls are to the unspeakable horrors of our very own jude women's loo, we find it to be quite a treat). the loo has two cubicles one witha western style and one with an eastern style loo.however, the commode seems to be fixed at an unusually high level causing my legs to dangle rather uncomfortably quite a few inches above the floor. maney, i literally have to climb up to the seat!oof, betey hobar jey koto problem!

9:45 AM  
Blogger Phõéníx said...

Hmm...incase one is male and needs to pee at INOX, Forum...and have entered the loo closest to hall numbers 3 and is what not to do --> Do not use the last urinal on your right as you enter. Why? Last time I had no drain pipe below the guessed it!

12:11 PM  
Blogger "sen"sational said...

@arundhati - i strongly disagree. loo at film studies dept. stinks like anything now-a-days. the cleanest loo in the UG arts building for women is the anita banerjee memorial loo. but the problem is that it remains locked most of the time.

12:57 AM  
Blogger arundhati said...

eh?are we speaking of the same loo here? the one i am referring to is situated opposite the staff room and was ALWAYS did not even any indicative sign on the door, therefore, very few poeple were aware of its existence. you had to take the keys from the staff to ulock and enter that any chance are you referring to the ecopnomics deptt. is on the same floor but is very dirty. used to be a LOt cleaner earlier though .*sigh*

2:54 AM  
Blogger arundhati said...

eh?are we speaking of the same loo here? the one i am referring to is situated opposite the staff room and was ALWAYS did not even any indicative sign on the door, therefore, very few poeple were aware of its existence. you had to take the keys from the staff to ulock and enter that any chance are you referring to the ecopnomics deptt. is on the same floor but is very dirty. used to be a LOt cleaner earlier though .*sigh*

2:54 AM  
Blogger Insiya said...

Arundhati - The Eco Dept. loo, I think is the cleanest of loos in our building. I think you must have used it a long time ago. Now it's always clean, almost never stinks, and most imporatantly, is always dry! Last semester I always used that loo whne I went upstairs for my EDs.

4:10 AM  
Blogger arundhati said...

well i guess the eco loo is one of those loos that you have to take your chances with.last time i went(about a month back) i nearly fainted .but i remember in my 1st and 2nd years,we would swear by it and loyally refuse to use any other loo but, it has it's good, bad and ugly days.therefore,i assumed 'sen' was referring to the eco loo.but trust me guys, the secret film studies women's loo is THE CLEANEST LOO in the deptt. try and use it ! unless of course, it is no longer such a well kept secret, in which case, it wont be that clean!

8:53 AM  
Blogger "sen"sational said...

i am talking abt the loo which is opposite that hall (i dont know the name...but seminars and meetings are held there) in the 3rd floor. now THAT loo is NOT clean. period.

9:34 AM  
Blogger Phõéníx said...

You mean the loo opposite the DSA Auditorium? Well...I wouldn't know about that loo. Though I can tell you that there now is a sign inbetween the two loos...indicating which is which! ;)

Hmm...the only loo I've ever used in JU is the one downstairs next to the seminar hall.

The loo on our floor is always a mess. Back in first year, I remember someone laughing about the fact that a stranger in the dept will never ask you for directions to the loo.

11:00 AM  
Blogger The Alluder of Alliterations said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2:49 AM  
Blogger The Alluder of Alliterations said...

@ T'da : Ginger cookies on thursday 18th of May 2006 and not wednesday... sorry for the days delay..Porikkhar chaap and all that...

2:59 AM  
Blogger "sen"sational said...

@alluder - me too. me too. and what about my pudding???

3:40 AM  
Blogger "sen"sational said...

@phoenix - yeah...yeah...i was talking about the DSA auditorium loo...

9:01 AM  
Blogger arundhati said...

ki mushkil bol toh! this is the central paradox concerning all public loos, esp the ones in our deptt.the cleanliness of a loo, it appears,is inversely propotional to the number of people using it.and the only way you can restrict the no. is by keeping it locked...but then you can't use you don't lock is used by all and sundry including the species of sub-human vermin who deliberately refuse to follow standard loo becomes dirty....and once again,you cannot use it!oof!
no wonder we all have such contradictory versions on the condition of certain loos: a loo is after all, only as clean or unclean as it's latest occupant!which makes a couple of weeks or even days/hours a long,long time in loo years!ergo a loo then, is really like life(which, appaarntly, is like a box of chocolates):you never know what you're gonna get!

10:15 AM  
Blogger Srin said...

You're all loopy. :p

11:34 AM  
Blogger Erythrocyte said...

@srin: arrgh!

@arundhati: the reason the western commode in the anita banerjee loo is so high is its a loo for the physically handicapped.

@all: i think we need a new post to talk about this, as the comments will soon need their own table of contents. T, if you're not going to oblige then give other people posting privileges.
how about loo reading?????

5:21 AM  
Blogger arundhati said...

but how does an oonchoo seat help handicapped people?

9:25 AM  
Blogger "sen"sational said...

@rimidi - i repeat arundhati's earlier comment...

10:51 AM  
Blogger Deep said...

I agree with Srin, and profess my undying love for her.

12:23 PM  
Blogger Insiya said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:47 PM  
Blogger Srin said...

Yea, oonchoo seat, handicapped people, whats the connection?

11:36 AM  
Blogger Insiya said...

Yes, If Arundhati had to jump to get there, how on earth will a physically challenged person manage to do that?

P.S. I've never used the Anita Banerjee loo. Is it really good?

9:03 PM  
Blogger Abhijit Gupta said...

yay, reached the half-century mark on comments

2:32 AM  
Blogger Phõéníx said...

Perhaps its a thoughtful gesture on JU's behalf to make all the women realise how difficult it really is for the handicapping us with high pots?

3:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

BE WARNED: If you are in the urgent need of condoms, do not depend on the vending-machine inside the 8B loo. It runs out of stock at times and is indicated by the word "Full" above the coin slot.

9:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As far as vending machines selling Ustad condoms go, the Sulabh complex at 8B isn't the only one. The one at J.D. Park Metro station has two. So I guess all Sulabh complexes have condom vending machines.

11:19 PM  

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